the feminism of our friend (who I respect and disagree with often) is an ethical one, not a hedonism driven one.

Agreed. There's nothing hedonistic about traditional feminism, By the same token, though, the pro-sex feminists would argue that they too are behaving in an ethical fashion by showing women how to empower themselves and so balance out the power differential inherent in traditional patriarchal society. I'm not saying I agree with this, mind you, but I understand the line of argument.